Ol' reliable runnin' endorphins

Today I really dragged my feet to go running.

First, I had to go to get blood drawn.

Then had to take The Dog to the vet.

Then I had to eat lunch.

Then, after I finally got my running clothes on, it started POURING. Not just sprinkling, or a little rain, but POURING.

So I watched a crap TV show on Bravo and did situps and pushups. Not because I love doing them and am dedicated, but because it was doing work that avoided going out in the sludge.

Then my roommate came home, and we talked.

Then I mentioned the word 'run,' and my two running dogs went NUTS, and I was forced to head out.

But first, I needed to get a hat. And my ID. And my iPod. By this time, the dogs were giving me a look of what I can only describe as consternation, mixed with a smidgen of betrayal, as in "I can't believe you'd wear those clothes, say that WORD, and then not go do it!"

So I posted on Facebook that I ran. That did it.

And I had the most TREMENDOUS run. My legs felt loose and strong, my breathing was good, the dogs didn't tug too much, and the rain was heavenly (literally). It felt like I could've gone forever. I passed other runners, who were also smiling with the joy of the rain and the evening and being healthy enough to run. I was listening to my favorite running music, and my stresses melted away with the raindrops. There is nothing like a good run, nothing!

Gratitudes

I'm grateful when someone says, "Hey, K, are you in triage today?" and I say yes, they smile and say, "Could you come now?"

I'm grateful that when I'm out with a lovely coworker who asks when I'm working next, and I name a day he is working, he smiles and pumps his fist.

I'm grateful that there is a back way from Safeway to my house, so I can avoid the traffic brought on by the upscale shopping village near my home.

I'm grateful to my grandfather, who told me, "Fat tastes good!" when I'm eating a steak, without the fat cut off.

I'm grateful I can run.

I'm grateful for my dog, who comes and sits near me when I'm sad, and bounds and jumps for joy when I'm happy.

I'm grateful that I talk to my brothers regularly, and that we matter to each other unabashedly, that our childhood made us close rather than distant as the years progress.

I'm happy to have been there the first time my brother felt his child move in his wife's belly, and to witness his joy and wonder.

I'm happy for my friends at work, from school, and from all the various places I've lived.

I'm grateful for my parents, who have given my my foundation of strength, intelligence and love.

I hear affirmations all the time, and usually find them forced, but these are mine, and I am glad I can put fingers to keyboard today to type them.

Taking It's Toll

I love my job, but it takes it's toll. That phrasing popped into my head today as I was ruminating over some really sick, really sad patients that I had yesterday. Taking it's toll.

 A toll is a price one has to pay in order to travel a particular road that one wants be on. (More specifically, it is usually a privately funded road, but let's not let facts get in the way of my metaphor. :) I love my job. Usually, I love my patients. I can usually find a reason to like anyone I take care of, at least for a little while. Most people are redeemable, I believe. I like the teamwork and the fast pace of my job. I like when people come in with problems we can fix. I am satisfied with my life, in large part because I feel my job has meaning to me and others.

 But there is a price to be paid. I can go for weeks and sometimes months without allowing the emotion of the workplace to affect me, but sometimes, without warning, it slides into my psyche. Last night I had two very sick patients, neither of whose prognosis was known in the ER, and they and their families touched my heart and I gave everything I could into their care, more than just professionalism, but my energy. I hope it made a difference, and in some way, I think it may have, even if just for a moment. I am honored by my job and was honored to take care of them.

 But today I woke up exhausted and teary, thinking of them, and their families, and the long, long road they are going down. That's the toll. I have receive so many gifts from my job, but I also pay the emotional price. It is a trade I'm willing to make, because it is worth the price.

 So today, I watched a TV show, drank my coffee, and am now going to spend time with a good friend. I'll recover. My life isn't playing out in a hospital, at least not yet, and hopefully not for many years. I choose to recover, and regain my emotional strength, and enjoy my life. Because I know more than many, as I see every day in my job, that life can change in an instant. So, I choose energy, and friendship, and strength, and manicures and pedicures, and taking delight in the ridiculous.

This is a poor, awkward explanation, but it will do for now. Live life. Enjoy it. Know it's gifts, take delight in your relationships. Because if you can't do that, it isn't worth the toll. And if you can, and I hope you can, it absolutely is.

Election 2012

This is a short post. I was overjoyed last night when my candidate, Barack Obama, won both the popular and electoral votes for President. He is an intelligent, experienced man who brings hope to a nation that needs it and isn't a bad administrator, either. I couldn't imagine a US with Romney as President, but honestly, I don't think it would've changed much in my everyday.

 Facebook has become a huge part of most people's daily routine. What I realized last night, because of  posts of friends, was how glad I am to have both Republicans and Democrats for close friends. There was so much vilification of the OTHER party (whichever it may have been) in this election, and what was lost in the rhetoric is the realization that we all have Republican friends, or Democratic friends, or Green Party friends, or whatever. And I'm glad that the people I choose to have in my life don't think exactly like I do- it makes me a better person to know them and I value their opinions. Because the one thing my friends all have in common is that they are GOOD people. So if we differ in the way we'd handle a national budget, or abortion, or the healthcare crisis, I think that makes us stronger for knowing, respecting and listening to another voice. Single party systems are dangerous, as are orthodox positions unenlightened by a dose of difference.

 So thank you to all my friends, who posted either jubilant or heartbroken posts on Facebook. I love you all, and am grateful to have you in my life. It makes me, and this country, better.

Dating Seattle

No, that wasn't a misprinted title- not Dating IN Seattle, or Dating: Seattle, just dating Seattle, as in, my rekindled love for this awesome place.

 So about three weeks ago, I decided I wanted to go on some dates. Now, I'm a reasonably attractive woman with my own job, car and condo (albeit on the other coast), but I work in an ER. Which, for those of you familiar with Gray's Anatomy, bears very little, if any, resemblance to the TV show. Yes, there are adorable interns, but they are on average, 6 years younger than me, and in a very different "life place." And there are cute attendings, but by and large, the cute ones are married and unavailable. My patients are all, well, VERY SICK, and uniformly old. So, that leaves me NOT LIKELY to find love (or even a date!) at work.

 Therefore, I decided to join A Reputable Dating Website, because I'd had some friends and family members that have had luck with online dating, and I've met a few boyfriends that way. So I decided, well, I'm in a new city, I'm happy with where I am, so maybe I'll meet some guys, go on some dates, seems like a good idea!

 Basically, it has ended before it really begun. I'd met a very nice guy, an engineer (not really, but I'm changing his occupation for safety's sake, just in case there are people outside my family that ready this blog, which is unlikely, but still!), and made plans to meet up with him. But then last week, my roommate asked if I wanted to go to quiz nightr (which I did), so I canceled the date with the guy and rescheduled for this Friday. ....Buuut this Friday, it turns out there is a hash run, and I REALLY want to get into hashing here, and I wouldn't be able to both do the hash run and the date....so I canceled the date. Again. Obviously it wasn't him, it was me, especially as I haven't MET him.

 So I decided I'm going to just date Seattle for a while, and see what happens. I am still so excited to live here, and to meet people that also live here, and to have fun in this city. If I meet someone to hang out with while dating Seattle, great. And if not, I can always go online again. :)

Roommates

One of the nicest things about my new life in Seattle has been my roommates.

 I came here after having bought my own condo, and thinking that I wanted to live alone for the remainder of my single life (however long that may be!). After a long, tough look at my finances, which included needing to be responsible and able to pay for both my mortgage on my Maryland condo and rent in Seattle, I realized that it wasn't financially feasible to live alone.

 I had, of course, a few moments of sniveling  where I shook my fist at the gods and raged about how UNFAIR it was that I was on one income while most of my friends were finally getting ahead and moving forward and taking great vacations on TWO incomes- HALF my expenses.

 Then I remembered/realized that my life is my choice, and I have chosen the life I lead, and sniveling just makes you feel whiny and stupid and besides, it makes your nose red and raw. :) So I re-thought my plan and set about looking for a good house, that allowed dogs, with people that were live-with-able.

 I visited a few places, but fell in love with a house in the Ravenna neighborhood that allowed dogs and was less than two miles from work- totally commutable! Great neighborhood! Super cute AND within easy walking distance of the U Village and the Burke Gilman!!

 After interviews, applications, prayers and the kindness of some marvelous friends that let me live with them during a 2 week interim period, I moved into the Ravenna house.

 And it has been wonderful. The house was built in the 1920s, and is large and lived in and has a dignity that a suburban tract home will never have. Of course, it is also hard to heat and the high ceilings are a magnet for spiders' webs, but easy come, easy go!

 My roommates and their dogs have made this house my home. "Sean" is a former military special forces who was wounded, honorably discharged and completing a degree at a private university here in Seattle. His dog Charlie is a 1.5 year old border collie who is unbelievably hyper and sweet and also super cuddly, which is nice since The Dog isn't, really, you know, a cuddler. I take The Dog and Charlie running and they match colors, both being black and white, which makes people smile at them and me smile at people and them and run a little bit farther each day! Charlie has boundless energy and LOVES Sean. Sean has a very quick wit and the silver tongue of the Irish- loves telling stories and tells them well. We can sit and talk for an hour or two about nothing at all, or very serious topics and not know the time is gone. Additionally, he is very charismatic and appears to be quite lucky with the ladies!

"Paul" is a Julliard graduate who has lived in the house for quite a while and is the glue that keeps that house together. He's a hiker, plays soccer, and is a confirmed bachelor who spends time travelling internationally and domestically when he isn't working here in the Seattle area. He's unfailingly kind, thoughtful and fond of puns and political discussion. His dog, Pythias, is a husky/shepherd mix who is sweet and SO vocal- he howls in delight when one of the "pack" comes  home, delights in bones, and is strangely addicted to paper of any kind- paper towels, receipts, toilet paper rolls- he eats it like candy and appears devastated when some of his hard-earned treats are taken away!

 They've made me feel at home right away, and I'm so lucky to have become roommates and friends with such good people in such a short time. Thank goodness for Craigslist and serendipity!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I went exploring the neighborhood with The Dog yesterday as a break between unpacking and picking up furniture. Things that I like that are within walking distance (3 blocks, even!):
1. An oyster bar
2. Yarn store
3. Pub I used to go to in college
4. Crossfit center
5. Hair salon
6. Tapas bar
7. Greek taverna
8. Thai joint

And in easy driving distance...a foot massage place!! Perfect for after long runs!

And one of my new roommates got The Dog a bone and me a bottle of local Washington red wine. And today, I'm catching the bus to work instead of driving. Yay for the Northwest. :)

I am here.

It's been a while since I wrote, but here I am now! Thanks to T. for mentioning she was looking for a post- it got me moving on this post, which I've been thinking about for a few weeks.

I'm still in the middle of a transition- I've started my job in the new, academic hospital ER, but am still a week away from living in my final abode (for now!) in Seattle. So much has changed though. I'm no longer living with a sort of crazy lady (four page diatribe on whether a door should be open or closed, anyone? Anyone? :), I'm not working nights, and I'm enjoying my Seattle friends and environment the way I've been envisioning for, oh, ten years or so! Hikes, runs, rooftop dinners, smiles at the grocery stores, kind compliments from complete strangers, wandering around the campus of my alma mater, now older and (wiser??) more aware of the world, but still SO happy to be home. Because being here feels like home.

 Example- I'm taking a lot of non-PTO time off for my brother's wedding, moving my stuff to Seattle from the East, and a dear friend's wedding, and so the week I come back, I'm working FIVE shifts in a row. Now normally, this would send me into a panic, because there was always somewhere else I wanted to be, but strangely, while the work will be long and exhausting, I don't begrudge the time I'll spend doing it. Also, I'll need the money after all my time off! But I'm happy to be here, and I feel content, and it is such an unreal, unusual feeling for me.

 My whole life, I've moved. Moving has been what defined my family and me as a person. I always had the knowledge that I wouldn't be staying "here" -wherever "here" happened to be at the time- and that sense of impermanence permeated my sense of "me-ness." But being here in Seattle, because I choose this place, has changed that, I think (we'll give it a few more months to make sure it has really taken hold!). It doesn't hurt that the weather is gorgeous, but what has really changed is me.

 So I'm reveling in the sun, smiling at strangers (who smile back!), going for runs with the Olympics in one direction and the Cascades in the return, hiking the ridges and peaks of my home state, and working in an ER that, for all its quirks and issues, feels like a place I could settle for a while.

There are so many quotes about the Wanderer and the Homecoming in literature going back to the beginnings of oral storytelling, and there is no way I could hope to top the eloquence of Homer, or Faulkner, or Chopin, or even Cheryl Strayed, but I feel a kinship with them, because I am finally content where I am, and happy to wake up each morning, knowing I'm home.

No Reason to Complain

The past few weeks have been very, very stressful. My current job is up in a few weeks (August 4th) and I don't have a job nailed down at this point. I have lots of "promising leads," but nothing NAILED DOWN. I've also told my landlady that my last day will be August 15th. Course, I haven't got a a new place yet, but hey! What's life without drama (except possibly much calmer and more relaxing ;)?

So I had the day off with nothing to do, and was ready to just go to a coffee shop when instead I decided to drive to the Washington Coast with sweet Dog. We are at Ocean Shores, at a crappy (but clean!) little hotel, right on the beach, and happy as clams. The Dog and I walked on the beach, I walked to a great Irish pub, where I had salad, potato soup, and lovely, lovely clams in a white wine broth, with a glass of white wine. The proprietor, James, told me about their biergarten, where I sat and read the new Hilary Mantel novel about Henry VIII. So pleasant!

So much good has been happening to people in my life this week, and I can't help but be really positive about life in general, even as I fret and fuss about specifics right now.

Tomorrow, The Dog and I will run on the beach at the Pacific Ocean, and I might ride horses on the beach before I drive back to work as an ER nurse. Really, life could be so much worse. I am a lucky (if uncertain!) girl.

Yoga + Spicy Indian Food = No Good

It's been a rough week for me professionally. My contract is ending, I have lots of irons in the fire, but no "definites" right now, which is scary. I've been relying on my amazing family and a good friend to talk through this whole situation with, but what I've realized that this is really the effects of several stressors (working nights, not living as close to my good friends as I'd hoped, being super sick for a week and a half, not sleeping well, eating too well, and not working out. So yesterday, in the depths of despair, and thanks to said Good Friend, I went for a run, which made me feel better. Then, again on the advice of Good Friend, I took it easy- read my book, went to see "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" and then, inspired by that move, to a nice Indian restaurant in Tacoma. The food was a little spicier than I was anticipating, so I had more than half boxed up and decided I'd eat it over the next few days. This morning, I didn't feel like breakfast food (as usual. Why have cereal when you can have a hearty meal??), so I popped the leftovers in the microwave and went to town. Well, sort of. It was still spicy, but I persevered!

 A few hours later, I went to my first hot yoga class in a few years. And it was HORRIBLE. It was HOT, I was pouring sweat, I was practically passing out during some of the poses and the Indian food kept wanting to make a reappearance in the middle of class. SO GROSS. So here is what I learned about hot yoga:

1. It is hot. REALLY HOT. 

2. DO NOT place your mat ALL THE WAY across the studio from the only door (i.e. airsource). You will not get the refreshing cool breezes when the drill sergeant I mean yoga instructor deigns to open the door. At all. You will instead stare longingly at the door, but be unable to move your exhausted muscles.

3. Regard their "What To Bring" lightly. Bring water with gatorade, and MORE THAN ONE TOWEL. You will need it.

It was an awful hour. But at the end (after I'd determined I wasn't going to pass out or vomit or otherwise embarrass myself), I did feel better. So I will be back. You may have won the battle, Hot Yoga, but I'll be back to win the war. 

Independence

One of my favorite stories about the Fourth of July has nothing to do with fireworks or beer or barbecuing. Once most of the signers of the Declaration who WERE in Philly signed, they PEACED OUT. They LEFT. They were terrified about the repercussions of signing and openly defying the King and Country. It's fascinating. Because now we revere them as brave- which they were! But in the moment, there was real fear for families and wives and recriminations and the future and they signed with those uncertainties and none of our knowledge now that they made the right decision. When I see countries in turmoil now, I think of that- that is is real, and scary, and the future isn't known. . I also think of Opa as a 17 year old on Iwo Jima (or Iwo, as he always called it). And I think of the soldiers abroad now, and hope that their familes- and we as Americans- revere them both on the battlefield and afterwards, as I do Opa. Happy Independence Day! 

Musings from Quarantine

So, I'm home sick with...wait for it....pertussis. Thank you parents of unvaccinated children, who, with their children come to the ER after getting an entirely preventable disease. My guess is after repeated exposure to pertussis, my poor little (vaccinated) immune system just gave up. So now I'm living in self-enforced quarantine until the antibiotic course is over, which should be in 4 days. Sadly, I'll miss being around everyone for the 4th of July, but better that than spreading this disease!!The upside is that I'm getting  A LOT of reading done at home- hooray for the Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 and the Kindle App!! I read a book last night called Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok that was awesome. It's a really well-done novel about a small girl who moves here with her college-educated mother from Hong Kong just prior to the Chinese re-takeover in the late 90s.  The author does some really neat things with language as the main character grows and learns to understand English and American slang/culture. It's a semi-autobiographical novel for the author, based on both her brother's and her experiences with America. I've read a lot of American bildungsroman based on the immigrant story, but none recently with such a captivating storyline and characters. If you're looking for a good book to read this summer, this is it!

 Another good one I read yesterday is called Seating Arrangements by Maggie Shipstead. It's a good, slightly meatier beach read than most beach reads out there, and satirizes/observes the life of WASPS at a wedding in the Northeast. Again, really great writing, good characters and an engaging storyline.

 Both these books are by first time authors, and I can't wait to read their next books!!

Okay. Back to reading/The Real Housewives/dying of boredom inside. 

TMI

Today has been a craptastic day. I had to wake up at 5am to take care of some worker's comp stuff that I've been dealing with from a needlestick almost 6 months ago that my hospital's insurance company was handling in a, shall we say, lackadaisical manner. I didn't sleep well.  I needed to buy a suit for an interview next week, but the Anne Taylor that my GPS drove me to SHUT DOWN a few months ago, and the nearest one is an hour away. And the only store the mall had was a Limited....that was out of suits. Then they only had jumbo baking potatoes at the grocery store (who needs JUMBO baking potatoes, anyway??? Baking potatoes are ALREADY big!!). AND there wasn't a redbox at the store I was at, so I had to drive another 15 minutes down the road after a lot of time in traffic, AND I need a run and it is pouring out, AND I'm POUTING!!!! :( :( :(

So the solution for tonight is to pour a generous serving of wine, broil a steak, and watch the Margaret Thatcher movie with Meryl Streep. That makes me happy.

 Thanks for listening. ;)

When Night is Day

So. I'm working nights. Now, in my head, I've always been a little bit of a princess, and working nights never quite fit into my princess mentality. I thought that I was too delicate a flower (I might be overstating it a little) to work nights, which, as you may be aware, is completely backwards from everyone else in the world, except those people who are also working nights. And yet I find myself in Washington state, working nights, and enjoying it. Mind you, I don't enjoy the hours, because it really sucks that during your "day off," you're sleeping, and when your mind is active and racing and ready to play, everyone else you know is sleeping. That really sucks. What I do enjoy, is the satisfaction that comes with working with a group of people who are all ALSO working nights, and also dealing with the same schedule you are. Sometimes in the middle of the night, which for us is the middle of the shift/day, you feel a bit like you and your coworkers and patients are on an island. There is no news to check on washingtonpost.com or people.com or npr.org (my top 3), there aren't any TV shows worth watching on except reruns (and I have really been enjoying my lunch breaks at 2am with Friends!!), and the world is a bit of a slower place. In some ways, it's really relaxing, because since I was a kid, we've had the advent of the 24 hour news cycles, the Internet, cell phones, Iphones, and innumerable ways for your mind to be slightly engaged at all times. That all goes away at night, and the world is quieter, and I can focus on my patients and my coworkers and laughing and being in the moment. All those things are possible during the day, but there is more noise than signal during the day.

So I'm finding moments of beauty in the serenity of the night. In some ways, for me, whose brain is always on, and always moving 20 steps ahead of where I am in the moment, it's a really nice change. I feel like I'm a better nurse, because I'm listening more to my patients. I'm connecting with them, and I'm able to stay in that moment, with them, for at least a while.

 I don't think I'm made to work nights always, because the "flipping" is really hard on my body. There are definitely physical downsides, and I have to work a lot harder to muster the energy to work out on days off, because my poor confused body thinks it should be sleeping, and I find I don't catch up with friends as easily since I'm exhausted when people call. But I am finding worth in this experience, and I'm glad to be here. This princess is a bit hardier than she suspected, which is neat to find out. 

Farmer's markets, friends and USAA

Another glorious day in the Pacific Northwest! I went to an amazing Farmer's Market with two new friends from work today. Gotta love farmer's market's the PNW: in addition to the assorted fruit, vegetable and craft stands, this market offered great Indian, German, Italian, Japanese and Mexican cuisine....all to the background of live jazz music! It was great! I purchased fresh jam, asparagus, apples that the grower let us try first, and lovely hand cream (very necessary for a job in which you wash your hands a hundred times a shift!). My friends and I then ambled down the block to a local wine store owned by a husband and wife team who were able to talk knowledgeably about every kind of wine we had questions about!  It was so much fun!

 On my way back from the farmer's market, I stopped at the only Barne's and Noble I could find in Tacoma and bought not one but TWO books as an early birthday present. I was walking jauntily along back to my car when I realized that I didn't have my keys. Not even that I couldn't find them in my purse, which is a pretty regular occurence, but that they were just not THERE. I rushed back to the Fit and saw the keys, sitting on my driver's side seat, glinting merrily in the sunlight. Bastards! Luckily, I remembered that my USAA auto insurance comes with free roadside assistance, which I called (because I at least had my phone in my purse!). Ten minutes and one chocolate cookie mocha frappacino later, the unlocker person was there and I was back on my way! Woohoo!!

  I'm now sitting on the sunny lawn of my landlady's house, enjoying the remainder of the afternoon. After I finish this, I'm going to start reading my new book by Julian Fellowes, who created Downton Abbey!! So although I'm in DA withdrawal as they film season 3 in the UK, I'm ensconced in another of Mr. Fellowes' delightful creations!

Life is good!

Ahh.....

I'm off! I've been working quite a lot, mostly thanks to the crazy start-up schedule, but now I've some time to relax and reflect and cook my meals for the next week. On the menu: roasted carrots, potatoes and mushrooms, and also garlic-herb baked chicken with broccoli.

 It's a rainy, sleepy day here in the Pacific Northwest, and I'm happy to be relaxing into it. I'm so happy with this ER. It's very well-run, well-staffed and functional. In fact, I've never worked in such a functional ER. There is help when codes come in, there is help when you're overwhelmed with sick patients, the techs are AMAZING and professional- I actually got the stink-eye from one tech when I was washing a patient's laceration out. She said, "I was just coming in here to do that! You don't have to do that!" in an offended, slightly aghast tone. I apologized (really!?) and left to do something else....amazing. The nurses have been really welcoming and I'm going to a farmer's market in Tacoma tomorrow with a group of them. All in all, the only thing that is hard is switching back to days for my days off, but that's even getting to be okay.

  Tacoma is a lovely little city, and I like Puyallup too. Even if they don't have an Ann Taylor Loft. Which is, frankly, kind of shocking. I am thinking more and more seriously about staying in this area and making this home. It feels good to be here, and I'm happy with the people and the place. I think I'll make the move toward Seattle from Tacoma, but this is a good way-station. The Dog is settling in to life as a pack dog, and starting to relish her dog friends here at Anita's house.

 Overall, life is just very pleasant right now. I'm so glad I took this chance to come West!

Maybe Thoreau was wrong....

Maybe I shouldn't "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." Maybe I should go to work grumpily and slightly irritated, because the bar was pretty darn low, and I had a fun night. So take that, super positive author/philosophe! :P

Appreciation and other musings

I have had a fabulous day off. One of the things I like about intense 12-hour shifts is that I tend to REALLY appreciate and enjoy my free days. Today was no exception. Today was sunny, clear, and 75 degrees. In other words, perfect weather. And I spent the day the exact way I wanted to spend it. I got a great haircut, browsed a bookstore for a few hours, found Trader Joes (thanks to Younger Brother 1!), walked the Dog, broiled steak and made a fabulous salad. Now I'm on the Internet, but I'm also reading my new book, thanks to B and N. I have had a marvelous day. I read a quote recently that said that those who sacrifice much, whether professionally, personally, physically or all of the above tend to be more appreciative of the blessings they've been given. I don't know if that is true, but I know that my job as an ER nurse, single, in her early thirties, and traveling the country courtesy a company paying me for the pleasure, has made me so thankful for my life. My life has been a gift. I see suffering and pain and can help those who hurt. I love an area of the country and can go there, thanks to my job. I'm healthy, and feel the euphoria and security in knowing my body can not only handle a tough run, but likes it. I'm loved by people who are truly remarkable, and who honor me with their love. I see a beautiful day, and am blessed enough to gasp with awe that I can experience it.  If my life isn't lucky and blessed, then what is? And what is a higher power/God/gods/Allah/ but being able to respond to other humans in a loving way and loving and appreciating the life one has been given?

Everybody's Working On The Weekend....

Hooray! It's Monday afternoon and I'm off! It's my Friday! I had my first shifts at the ED here in Washington, and they were GREAT! The ER is really well run and the staff (RNs, MDs and techs) are professional and fun to work with. I had so much trepidation about working nights, but the past three days have allayed those fears!

 Last night was particularly fun. I was a float nurse with two others, one of whom is a friend I worked with in Virginia, and we had a very low patient census, meaning the number of patients in the department was lower than had been projected by staffing/scheduling. Sunday nights are usually really busy- some really sick people and some people that, as one nurse put it, "tore themselves up over the weekend and now would like to take Monday as a Day of Rest....and want a note from the ED to prove it!" Anyway, the charge RN asked us at 2:30am if we'd like to go home, which we did! My friend, M, asked if we wanted to go to the casino for a bit and we were all up for the adventure, mostly because we'd expected to be there another 5 hours and had just had coffee.

 I have never been to a casino before, and it was a particularly surreal experience at 3 in the morning! The parking lot was full of cars, and the lights from outside were brighter than daylight. We were in our scrubs, which I thought would seem strange, but when I saw how some of the other patrons were dressed, I realized that we were far from abnormal. At least we were wearing clothes that should be worn in public. I walked past one lady who was wearing essentially a skin tight swimsuit. With heels. And a body that perhaps would have benefited from clothes that were tailored to her large frame, rather than said polyester/rayon swimsuit. On the other hand, she was winning more money than I did, so maybe it is her lucky outfit! :P

 We played the slots, and after an hour, the twenty dollars that I had allotted for the Casino Adventure was gone, my friend A's money was gone, and M was up sixty bucks! We decided to leave and get some food at the casino deli, but as we walked past the blackjack table, M suggested we take her winnings, split them, and go play blackjack. She wouldn't take no for an answer, so we ambled over to the blackjack tables. I have seen blackjack on TV and movies, and thought I knew how to play, but I definitely did not have the niceties of blackjack etiquette down. Luckily, it was a slow night and the dealer was really nice about telling me what to do. We played for about an hour, and were hootin' and hollerin' and whooping it up, generally being loud and having fun. The dealers around us who didn't have any customers were laughing and smiling and yelling with us. People thought we were high rollers and kept coming by to see what all the commotion was about, but quickly left when they saw our dollar bets and realized we were just overly excited!

 We tired of blackjack around 4:30am, and the pit boss (I guess) came over and asked us if we'd like to have a comp card for food. He gave us each a ten dollar voucher and we feasted like queens on nachos, chicken strips and fries, and free cokes. It was SO FUN. We left after our food, which was actually pretty good, and I went to sleep around 6:15am with a smile on my face, and only down ten bucks thanks to the free food, which was a win for me! I'd rather have food than money under normal circumstances!

 I'm off the today and tomorrow and I am so happy to be able to enjoy the sun, but happy to have had our nocturnal casino adventure!

Game of Thrones

On the drive out here, I listened to George R. R. Martin's Game of Thrones, Book One. It made for excellent listening material on the drive. You know that feeling when you HAVE to know what happens next, and you don't care about real life until you DO know? That's how I felt at the end of the first book. Riding that reading/endorphin high, I went to the University Bookstore at UW to buy the next three books. Sigh. Even though they're nice to read, so far the second and third books, (just finished the third now) were just okay. I'm becoming less interested in his writing and enjoying the story and more determined just to KNOW what happens. So I'm not really reading the books anymore, just skimming so I know what happens in the plot. I feel a little like I'm cheating, because it feels like when you fast-forward through a movie just to see the end, but so be it. I am invested enough that I want to know what happens, but not enough to really read. The skimming is still more fulfilling than just reading a plot summary, though!

 Sigh. It's only 10:16pm right now. Tonight is my "flip night" to get ready for night shifts that start Friday. I don't know how much longer I'm going to make it! I'm tired! I want to sleep!  It's amusing that when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was stay up later, and now that I'm older, I just want to sleep. :)

 Life continues to go really well here in Washington! I have a lot of night shifts ahead of me, but then two days off to hike, run and hang out with friends.  Hooray for my Washington sojourn!

Glorious Ranier

I'm here! Though Friday was rainy and cold, Saturday, Sunday and Monday have been full of warm sun and truly breath-taking views of Ranier from my little corner of Tacoma, Washington. Every day since the sun came out and the clouds left, I've had these moments of forgetting where I am, driving along, intent on my chores (I need a curtain rod....and then a measuring cup...and a bookshelf...and oh yeah, food!), stuck in my little world inside my head, and then seemingly out of nowhere, Ranier appears on the horizon. Well, actually, Ranier becomes the horizon. She is so prominent and heart-stoppingly, breath-takingly gorgeous and massive that she is a constant reminder of the beauty of the Pacific Northwest to me. It's also a good reminder of how fragile life is. Ranier, for all her beauty and majesty, is an active volcano, and if she were to erupt, the area in which I live, Tacoma/Puyallup, would be covered in minutes with mudflows. So even as she is a reminder of the beauty of life, so is she a reminder of its fragility.

   Yesterday the lady I rent from took The Dog and me on a lovely hike that wasn't even 15 minutes from the house. We drove to Swann Creek and hiked up the creek and onto the creek bluffs for about two hours. It was sunny and pleasant and we had all four dogs with us. I had first decided not to go, because I had "so much to do" (please see "Katie Stuck In Her Little World" from previous paragraph). Then I remembered that I'd chosen to come to this place to do just that kind of thing- hike! With my dog! I am so glad I was able to go. My landlady is a really nice woman and it was kind of her to take The Dog and me along.

 I had orientation today for my job. It was a standard hospital orientation, and I have three more days and then one day off and then three night shifts in a row. Sigh. At least I have 4 days off after the three in a row! I'm feeling some trepidation about the night shifts, but I also felt trepidation about crossing the country myself, and that worked out well.

 I'm looking forward to another great run tomorrow about more orientation. Life is good!

Arrival

I'm here! I made it to Seattle today, and am staying with my friends D and J and their dog, Beauty. Beauty is a sweet little bulldog...to people. She was FIERCE to The Dog. I've never seen The Dog back down from a female dog so quickly or a little puffball of a dog turn into an Alpha female so quickly! They've settled down, now. The Dog stays near to me and Beauty is pouting in the master bedroom.

 The trip to Washington state is at an end. I really enjoyed this trip and have mixed feelings about this portion of the adventure ending. I enjoyed my drive and my stops, I liked seeing the country and admiring its beauty, as well as the feeling of freedom I had while driving with just myself and The Dog.

 But here I am, in Washington, and am so glad to be here, too. I can hardly believe I get to be here for three months. I've dreamed of being back here so long, it doesn't seem real that I'm here.

 After I arrived, I went to pizza with my friend C. at an old haunt on the Ave called Pagliacci's. We walked around the UW neighborhood and talked about how our lives have changed in the last ten years. Life has been so good to me. I'm so lucky to be where I am, and I'm grateful. I'm looking forward to Monday, starting at the new hospital and seeing how I like travel nursing....I'm already dreaming of my next trip....good sign, or a sign I need to live in the present? I'll let time answer that question. :)

Battles, Tickets and Running...

Well, I like Missoula, Montana! I came in the midst of a little rain storm. By the time I had unpacked my Hotel Things into the hotel room (a suitcase, a backpack and my purse), the sun was shining on the mountains that surround the city and it was time for a run. The Dog and I ran for a half hour on their River Trail system and into the downtown area near the university, where I spied the Italian restaurant that I went to for dinner. It was a fabulous run, made even better by the INCREDIBLY courteous drivers! The first time, I was illegally crossing the street and TWO drivers stopped for me, which was a bit embarrassing but very nice. Toward the end of the run, I was waiting at a busy intersection that didn't have a light for the traffic to pass by. Instead, the traffic in both directions STOPPED and waited for The Dog and me to run across! Amazing!! I like this town!

 Today I stopped at the Little Bighorn Battlefield and stood on the hill that was Custer's Last Stand. As I stood there, feeling the wind sweep across my face as it traveled down the mountains into the river valley, I felt sad. We have such a great country, but I think that if I had been a Sioux or Arapaho, I also would've fought the invaders to maintain my way of life in a wild and beautiful land. The feeling of the battlefield was similar to what I'd felt at Normandy when I visited with my family. The sadness and loss felt by both the Native Americans and  the US soldiers was palpable. I was really glad to have stopped there, although I also have some kind of awkward pictures of me with a strange look on my face....it seemed wrong to smile at the site of a battle, but it seemed weird not to too....hence the strange look. I'll post them after tomorrow's journey on Facebook and you can see what I mean. :) Nonetheless, it was a really powerful place and I'm so glad I was able to experience it.

  I got a ticket in Montana, too. Sigh. I considered using the "I'm a nurse," excuse, which I hear works, but the officer that pulled me over looked like my high school track coach, and I WAS speeding, so I just apologized and was polite. The Dog, snarling and growling in the passenger seat (she does NOT like when people come to the driver's side window- she also hates drive through attendants!), did not help matters. Luckily, the officer had a dog too, and apologized for startling her. The Dog has some kind of weird power over people! Anyway, the ticket was forty dollars, which has to be mailed in, and it was a good reminder to slow down.

 I'm discovering the joys of living out of my car, too. I left my razor in South Dakota two days ago, and stopped at a Safeway after dinner tonight to go pick up a new one, when I remembered I HAD a razor in my bathroom rolling cart for the new apartment! Voila! Problem solved! The same thing happened today when I needed my running gear, which I thought I'd packed in my Hotel Things bag, but it was in my very large duffel bag, so I just had to pull it out! It sure looks like a messy way to live, but it works! :)

 Well, that's all for today. Tomorrow I'm going to be in Seattle!  I can't believe it! I can't wait! Thanks for reading along on the trip!

Sheridan, WY! I left Mitchell, SD a bit later than I'd planned, thanks to my travel-induced Alzheimers....in five minutes I'd lost my hands-free kit, then my phone and finally my sunglasses (VERY necessary in the West- no shade!). Luckily, they were all found (note the passive voice, as if I had nothing to do with this! ;) in the car. Where I'd left them. Sigh.

 Today was a quick trip through South Dakota and Wyoming, punctuated by one really amazing visit to Mount Rushmore. Wow. It is one of the few places that was more impressive in person than on TV. My first view was as my car climbed the mountains en route to the memorial at a curve in the road. I looked up and suddenly saw Mount Rushmore and gasped. I hurried on, took The Dog for a quick walk, and then walked on to the Mount Rushmore Memorial.
  The mountain itself is so big, and the memorial is mostly outdoors, viewing the Mount. The faces are almost unbelievably large and surprising compared with the equally large peaks around them. I took several pictures (see Facebook) and also went to the museum that detailed the creation of Mount Rushmore. Interestingly, the 1:12 scale carving that Gutzom Borglum, the creator and artist, first built took FOURTEEN YEARS to do, working from the mountain's dimensions. The actual creation took a total of 6 years over a 20 year period of starts and stops related to funding. Definitely a case of measure twice, cut once (literally). He had to change his dreams for what the memorial would look like as they blasted based on the geology of the area, too. I don't often find myself at a lack for words, but in trying to describe Mount Rushmore and how affecting and awesome I think it was, I am.

  I traveled on through SD and then Wyoming. I was planning on stopping in Gilette, WY today, but got there pretty quickly, thanks to 75mph speed limits, so trekked on to Sheridan, WY, where Kaci and I are hanging our hats tonight.

 Tomorrow is Missoula, MT. I'd like to get farther, the West isn't the East Coast, for sure. I went 50 miles today without sighting a town or gas station, and I know from experience that the hotel situation between Missoula and Kellogg, ID is about the same. :)

 I can't believe I'm almost there!

Day Three

  Yesterday was my second day of the drive, and I enjoyed it thoroughly! I awoke in downtown Columbus and ended the day with my friends A and S at their extremely comfortable and welcoming abode in Davenport, Iowa. S and I went to nursing school together, and she has always been an incredibly thoughtful person. I learned that first in nursing school, near the end of the year, when I had simply lost the ability to care about whether or not a poster presentation on Public Health that was due the next day was finished, or, for that matter, started. S, who I'd known, but not well, called me and announced that she was coming over with glue, letters, markers and ideas, and that I should be ready to finish my poster so we could graduate. We did finish it, amongst giggles and a newly forged friendship that has not weakened with the years (And I got an A. And graduated from nursing school. Thanks, S! :).

The Dog and I rolled up to the C. home in Davenport and were greeted by a smiling S. We lugged in my bag and backpack and I collapsed on their couch in A's "Man Cave." It was lovely. Then I brushed my teeth. Whenever I've been up for a long time, I want nothing so much as to brush the grit and grime off my teeth. It feels better than a shower sometimes, really! Then S and I went to our S-arranged MASSAGES and a lovely woman named Lindsey kneaded out my knots and kinks from the road. I fell asleep, but only drooled a little. :) Afterwards, thoroughly relaxed,  S and A took me out to a really nice Italian restaurant, and we each had great dinners. Then we all went home and went to bed. It was a perfect evening.

 This morning I woke up energized and ready to roll! After saying goodbye, The Dog and I got on the road around 7:30am. (Here come the random thoughts, per My  Consciousness During a Long Drive)::
1. We live in a really LARGE country. And in that country, the Middle Western States (Ohio, Indiana and Iowa) have the nicest and cleanest restrooms. As my aunt Grace says, "I never met a restroom I didn't like!!" Well, me either, and I think that qualifies me to speak on the subject. Every single one I visited in the Mid-West was clean and smelled fresh and had soap AND paper towels, whether a highway rest stop or a gas station. AND Iowa DOT rest stops have free wireless internet! Awesome!!

2. Des Moines, Iowa has the shiniest gold statehouse dome I have ever seen. Sorry, Charleston, WV (which I've also seen), but Des Moines has you hands down.

3. Iowa is such a pretty state, with rolling hills, rivers, creeks, gullies and washes, and so GREEN right now. My dad's family is from Iowa/Nebraska, and my mom is Irish, so the combination of the land that my great-grandmother was raised on and the many shades of green made me love Iowa (that, and the clean restrooms! ;). I think I could tolerate a travel stay in Des Moines. There wouldn't be much hiking, but there would be wonderful running!

4. Game of Thrones is a FABULOUS book to listen to across the country. I'm completely absorbed in the story, and can't wait to finish so I can watch the TV series. It's perfect because I can listen, completely engrossed in a description, and then pull off and walk The Dog and get gas, and then get right back to where I started. It isn't complex enough to require TOO much thought, but is interesting enough that I want to listen. I highly recommend it!

5. My Mom Is Better Than Siri. I initially planned on staying in Sioux Falls, SD today, but it wasn't a far enough drive. My mom called, I told her my quandary and she said she'd find me a place to stay. And isn't this a wonderful world: Kay, in Doha, Qatar, found a hotel for her daughter to stay at in South Dakota, US. And then ALSO explained how said daughter could easily see Mount Rushmore tomorrow. My mom (and the Internet, and the age we live in) is amazing!

6. (and final point for today!) I have wonderful friends and family. I've had some really nice calls, emails and texts from friends and family. Even though it is just physically Kaci and I, by the power of Facebook and my Droid, I feel enveloped in love and support. Thank you all more than I can say!!

7. (I lied about point 6) Kaci and I went through a really magnificent storm just before arriving in Mitchell tonight. I'm reading a book recommended by my cousin Linda called Isaac's Storm about the Galveston Hurricane of 1900 and the power of nature. Anyway, as Kaci and I  drive onto Interstate 90, we were met by a wall of black clouds that stretched at least 30 miles parallel to the interstate. I drove on with trepidation. In about 30 minutes, we were enveloped in a driving rain, with pellet sized hail pelting poor little Veronica Fiona, the Honda Fit. The storm was fast moving but lasted for 20 minutes as we drove though it, Kaci taking shelter behind my back (which was both adorable and wierd!).  In the West, you can see the actual front as it moves towards you, and it is impressive and terrifying. I admire the strength of the Native Americans and then settlers who called this land home, and their descendants who live here now. Nature is still something to be respected, and tonight I am in awe of her power.

 So tomorrow, Kaci and I are headed to Mount Rushmore and then to our waypoint of Gillette, Wyoming. The travels and adventure continues! Thanks for being there!

Love,
KT

Day One: Columbus, Ohio

Well, Day 1 of 6 is complete, and it was a pleasure of a day! I awoke in my sweet little condo, which I grew increasingly fond of as my time to leave (briefly?) drew near. I did a very precise job of packing the Honda Fit (whose name, for those of you who don't know, is Veronica Fiona), leaving one of the back seats down and making a bed for The Dog, of which I was rather proud! It was so cute! AND everything fit. The Dog, however, had other ideas. After maintaining her "worried" look, which any dog owner would recognize ("am I coming with you this time? if I look cute, could I come with you? would you like any help that would require me to hop in the car now? Now? NOW???),  she was overjoyed when I snapped her leash on and led her out to the car. The adorable worried look soon changed to a look of, dare I say, derision? when she saw the cozy seat, which was not up to The Dog's Standards of Size and Comfort. So, sighing deeply, I repacked V. F. in a far less organized manner so that The Dog could have the passenger side front seat. Which was not covered with anything so nice as a dog bed. She looked pretty happy...until we got underway and she realized that the front seat IS NOT comfortable for a dog. We drove most of our eight hours with her nose pressing against my right ribcage, which made her happy and me cold with strangely placed wet spots. :) She's now happily dozing in the corner of our lovely room at the Drury Hotels in downtown Columbus, Ohio.

 The highlight of the day was to stop in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to see J, A and their daughter,  E. It is always SO marvelous to see them. E had grown SO MUCH since I'd seen her last year, and was such a perfect mix of J and I  with a personality all her own. She was smart, charming, grumpy (late nap time, thanks to Aunt K!), adorable (with HEAVY emphasis on adorable!!) and in love with The Dog. It was so neat to see my two dear friends and their equally dear daughter. The Dog enjoyed the time being "touched" by E and reconnecting with her old buddy, Molly the Dog. Hopefully she isn't cognizant enough to think every day will be like that. :) I enjoyed connected with dear friends. There just isn't anything like falling back into easy conversation with smart, kind, awesome people who you're lucky enough to be friends with. J made a DELICIOUS beef stew, and we sat outside in the sun and talked. It occurred to me, while we sat there, that THIS is what life is about: connections and friendship that run deeper than time or distance, that are a true delight to the soul. My soul was filled up with the E's, and made the rest of the drive to Columbus heavy on smiles and wonderful memories!

  So I am now in Columbus, Ohio. I have made it to my Day One goal! I'm at the Drury Inn right next to the Convention Center, and am ready to clean my face, brush my teeth and gorge myself on disgusting (but wonderful!) reality TV of the Real Housewives variety. Since I don't have cable at home, and won't have a TV for the next 3 months, you can be DARN sure I'm going to take advantage of free hotel cable to watch crap!

 One last thought: Cousin MG is still in the ICU. She's spiked a fever and her white count is elevated. An elevated white count means that (unless they're banded neutrophils, indicating short term immune response time), her body has been fighting an infection and is now trying to mount a response. She's scheduled for surgery Monday. Please send all your good thoughts/wishes/meditations towards my cousin/aunt, a woman who deserves to come through this tragedy and laugh again with her loved ones, as I was lucky enough to do today with my friends.

 Tomorrow: Davenport, Iowa and the C's!!

Neuro Intact

MG is following commands!! Neuro intact!! This is a huge, HUGE triumph. And her husband's blog is some of the best writing and example of deep, abiding love I've ever read (raymelick.blogspot.com). Whatever higher power or energy or God(s) you believe in, this is truly a miracle and a blessing. To have had that kind of an accident and neuro and cardiac intact is just unbelievable. Hooray!

Leavin' in Honda Fit.....Don't Know When I'll Be Back Again

So I'm heading out on a Road Trip!!! At the tender (?) age of 32, I'm leaving my home on the East Coast and drive cross-country to the Pacific Northwest! As I came of age in the PNW, I'm eager to return: to hike, sit in coffee shops, laugh with friends from long ago, and (maybe?) see how I fit in the place I have always considered my heart's home. Well, actually, I consider the Chesapeake Bay my heart's home, but I think it is okay to have two places...the heart can expand in so many ways. It's temporary...at least for right now.

 So here I am, five days away from leaving, blogging on my website whose URL I haven't shared with anyone, listening to my Pandora Adele/Dave Matthews custom radio station, rather than packing. Which I REALLY need to do. But I'm REALLY enjoying procrastinating right now, so it'll get done...eventually. ;)

 These moments and this last week with friends on the East Coast is even more bittersweet knowing someone I love and respect is lying in an ICU. When people you think so highly of are experiencing incredibly painful, uncertain and challenging circumstances, it makes you aware of how lucky you are. As Kahlil Gibran argues, "The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." It is just a strange juxtaposition when experiencing both simultaneously, and in no way as deeply as her husband and children. It's a blessing to be able to see "regular life" as beautiful, which is a gift out of this tragedy.

Reminder

When I was a kid, my mom, who is one of eight children in an Irish-Catholic family, used to call all her sisters and her mom every Saturday morning. She'd be on the phone for almost 2 hours at a time, and I'd roll my eyes and wonder what on Earth it was that they could talk about for so long. We called it the Flannery Gossip Chain, and over the years it has become both an inside joke and also a lifeline that has grown to include the "kids" including myself and assorted spouses and partners.

  Yesterday afternoon, I got a Flannery Gossip Chain email that one of my mom's cousins was on the way to the airport to see her family in St. Louis, and was hit by a drunk driver who ran a red light and into the side of her car at full speed. The other motorists saved her life, certainly. They directed traffic around the wreckage of her car, which had been pushed into oncoming traffic at a blind turn in the road. The paramedics cut MG out and she was brought to the trauma center of the hospital in the town in which she lives. She has already had several surgeries to stop internal hemorrhaging and is in an induced coma to give her body time to heal for the other lifesaving surgeries that need to happen quickly.

 Once again, my family learns that life can change in an instant. MG is the classiest of ladies: fun, irreverent, incredibly engaged in her family and faith, beautiful and the survivor of challenges in life that would've broken a less amazing woman. She used to come to Flanneryfests with her awesome husband and beautiful, kind and really fun children and was such a glamorous figure to me as a teenager and young woman, and definitely a woman to emulate. To hear that she was in this accident made me remember how short life is. Again. It also has made me reflect on human stupidity (as in the drunken driver), forgiveness, and community.

  I can't write more than that right now.

Musings

Do you ever wonder if the people who came before you had similar difficult circumstances? Sometimes, it's hard to believe that your emotions and situations are the same as other people's experiences, that your difficult times aren't the most difficult, or even the most joyful that anyone has ever experienced.

When I stand in the house built by my family on the shore of the Chesapeake Bay, though, I feel the strength of my family run through me. I am grounded in the knowledge that I'm a link in a chain of women and men stretching back into the mists of the past. What a wonderful thing to realize during a difficult time!