I love my job, but it takes it's toll. That phrasing popped into my head today as I was ruminating over some really sick, really sad patients that I had yesterday. Taking it's toll.
A toll is a price one has to pay in order to travel a particular road that one wants be on. (More specifically, it is usually a privately funded road, but let's not let facts get in the way of my metaphor. :) I love my job. Usually, I love my patients. I can usually find a reason to like anyone I take care of, at least for a little while. Most people are redeemable, I believe. I like the teamwork and the fast pace of my job. I like when people come in with problems we can fix. I am satisfied with my life, in large part because I feel my job has meaning to me and others.
But there is a price to be paid. I can go for weeks and sometimes months without allowing the emotion of the workplace to affect me, but sometimes, without warning, it slides into my psyche. Last night I had two very sick patients, neither of whose prognosis was known in the ER, and they and their families touched my heart and I gave everything I could into their care, more than just professionalism, but my energy. I hope it made a difference, and in some way, I think it may have, even if just for a moment. I am honored by my job and was honored to take care of them.
But today I woke up exhausted and teary, thinking of them, and their families, and the long, long road they are going down. That's the toll. I have receive so many gifts from my job, but I also pay the emotional price. It is a trade I'm willing to make, because it is worth the price.
So today, I watched a TV show, drank my coffee, and am now going to spend time with a good friend. I'll recover. My life isn't playing out in a hospital, at least not yet, and hopefully not for many years. I choose to recover, and regain my emotional strength, and enjoy my life. Because I know more than many, as I see every day in my job, that life can change in an instant. So, I choose energy, and friendship, and strength, and manicures and pedicures, and taking delight in the ridiculous.
This is a poor, awkward explanation, but it will do for now. Live life. Enjoy it. Know it's gifts, take delight in your relationships. Because if you can't do that, it isn't worth the toll. And if you can, and I hope you can, it absolutely is.
A toll is a price one has to pay in order to travel a particular road that one wants be on. (More specifically, it is usually a privately funded road, but let's not let facts get in the way of my metaphor. :) I love my job. Usually, I love my patients. I can usually find a reason to like anyone I take care of, at least for a little while. Most people are redeemable, I believe. I like the teamwork and the fast pace of my job. I like when people come in with problems we can fix. I am satisfied with my life, in large part because I feel my job has meaning to me and others.
But there is a price to be paid. I can go for weeks and sometimes months without allowing the emotion of the workplace to affect me, but sometimes, without warning, it slides into my psyche. Last night I had two very sick patients, neither of whose prognosis was known in the ER, and they and their families touched my heart and I gave everything I could into their care, more than just professionalism, but my energy. I hope it made a difference, and in some way, I think it may have, even if just for a moment. I am honored by my job and was honored to take care of them.
But today I woke up exhausted and teary, thinking of them, and their families, and the long, long road they are going down. That's the toll. I have receive so many gifts from my job, but I also pay the emotional price. It is a trade I'm willing to make, because it is worth the price.
So today, I watched a TV show, drank my coffee, and am now going to spend time with a good friend. I'll recover. My life isn't playing out in a hospital, at least not yet, and hopefully not for many years. I choose to recover, and regain my emotional strength, and enjoy my life. Because I know more than many, as I see every day in my job, that life can change in an instant. So, I choose energy, and friendship, and strength, and manicures and pedicures, and taking delight in the ridiculous.
This is a poor, awkward explanation, but it will do for now. Live life. Enjoy it. Know it's gifts, take delight in your relationships. Because if you can't do that, it isn't worth the toll. And if you can, and I hope you can, it absolutely is.
No comments:
Post a Comment