TMI

Today has been a craptastic day. I had to wake up at 5am to take care of some worker's comp stuff that I've been dealing with from a needlestick almost 6 months ago that my hospital's insurance company was handling in a, shall we say, lackadaisical manner. I didn't sleep well.  I needed to buy a suit for an interview next week, but the Anne Taylor that my GPS drove me to SHUT DOWN a few months ago, and the nearest one is an hour away. And the only store the mall had was a Limited....that was out of suits. Then they only had jumbo baking potatoes at the grocery store (who needs JUMBO baking potatoes, anyway??? Baking potatoes are ALREADY big!!). AND there wasn't a redbox at the store I was at, so I had to drive another 15 minutes down the road after a lot of time in traffic, AND I need a run and it is pouring out, AND I'm POUTING!!!! :( :( :(

So the solution for tonight is to pour a generous serving of wine, broil a steak, and watch the Margaret Thatcher movie with Meryl Streep. That makes me happy.

 Thanks for listening. ;)

When Night is Day

So. I'm working nights. Now, in my head, I've always been a little bit of a princess, and working nights never quite fit into my princess mentality. I thought that I was too delicate a flower (I might be overstating it a little) to work nights, which, as you may be aware, is completely backwards from everyone else in the world, except those people who are also working nights. And yet I find myself in Washington state, working nights, and enjoying it. Mind you, I don't enjoy the hours, because it really sucks that during your "day off," you're sleeping, and when your mind is active and racing and ready to play, everyone else you know is sleeping. That really sucks. What I do enjoy, is the satisfaction that comes with working with a group of people who are all ALSO working nights, and also dealing with the same schedule you are. Sometimes in the middle of the night, which for us is the middle of the shift/day, you feel a bit like you and your coworkers and patients are on an island. There is no news to check on washingtonpost.com or people.com or npr.org (my top 3), there aren't any TV shows worth watching on except reruns (and I have really been enjoying my lunch breaks at 2am with Friends!!), and the world is a bit of a slower place. In some ways, it's really relaxing, because since I was a kid, we've had the advent of the 24 hour news cycles, the Internet, cell phones, Iphones, and innumerable ways for your mind to be slightly engaged at all times. That all goes away at night, and the world is quieter, and I can focus on my patients and my coworkers and laughing and being in the moment. All those things are possible during the day, but there is more noise than signal during the day.

So I'm finding moments of beauty in the serenity of the night. In some ways, for me, whose brain is always on, and always moving 20 steps ahead of where I am in the moment, it's a really nice change. I feel like I'm a better nurse, because I'm listening more to my patients. I'm connecting with them, and I'm able to stay in that moment, with them, for at least a while.

 I don't think I'm made to work nights always, because the "flipping" is really hard on my body. There are definitely physical downsides, and I have to work a lot harder to muster the energy to work out on days off, because my poor confused body thinks it should be sleeping, and I find I don't catch up with friends as easily since I'm exhausted when people call. But I am finding worth in this experience, and I'm glad to be here. This princess is a bit hardier than she suspected, which is neat to find out.