Today was one of the most exhausting days I've had in the ED. It was at my new hospital, and I started the day so proud of myself for learning how to handle the boarders- patients who have been admitted to the hospital, but for whom no bed is available. I was so focused on the technical job I was doing that I was sideswiped by the emotional side of nursing. The elderly man with a UTI with altered mental status who had been in the ED for 14 hours by the time he was my patient (no boarder beds on the units!) who just wanted hot coffee, a toothbrush and a shaving kit. Just like my grandpa wanted when he was in the nursing home. I saw my grandfather in him and got him the things he wanted (coffee, toothbrush, shave, in that order) that make you feel human and saw him blossom back from patienthood into personhood. When he left after being discharged to home with his wife, who was JUBILANT to take him home, he kissed me on the cheek and said, "You're a class act, lady." I just thought of Grandpa. The wife of my patient who looked me in the eye, as I helped explain that her husband's heart wasn't pumping enough blood and oxygen to his body to sustain life, and that his body was letting go, who looked at me and said, "It's okay. I know. I said goodbye last night." And who, in her sorrow, was still able to smile at me and thank me for my service as her life as she knew it was ending. The husband of the patient who came into the ED in full cardiac arrest as I asked him whether she was a full code or if they would like us to perform CPR. He looked at me with no comprehension. When she had been taken away in the ambulance, she had been awake and just complaining of chest pain. Her son, who patted me on the shoulder as he walked away from being told that his mother hadn't made it, who told me, "Thank you," as I said, "I'm so sorry." This was my day. These were the lives that I was a part of. I write this with tears in my eyes. Some days, you do the best you can. And some days, I am touched by those I see, and will carry them forever. Some days, it is an honor and a privilege to be an Emergency Department nurse. For me, today was one of those days.

Movin' On

I started in a NEW ED. This is a big deal, since I have only been a nurse two years, and before that I volunteered in the same ED in which I worked. My last day in my old ED was Saturday, and my first day at the new hospital was Monday. Let me tell you, I enjoyed my one day of unemployment!! I ran, I sat on the couch, I ate chili. It was marvelous.

So I've been in the hell known to all who start new jobs as "Orientation." This is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is AWESOME (on an intellectual level) for an ED nurse to get paid to sit on my arse. For TWO WEEKS. No patient care, no responsibilities other than "active listening" (yes, you do detect some sarcasm within those quotes), and no being physically exhausted at the end of the day. Also because I have a normal-person schedule, meaning I wake up at a reasonable hour, go to work, and then come home, also at a reasonable hour. Yesterday after work, I went to a happy hour with my friend. Today I went for a run with my dog. ALL BEFORE IT WAS DARK! So exciting! This is also a curse because as an ED nurse, my natural ADD is reinforced in my everyday shifts, so to sit. In the same room. For EIGHT HOURS (okay, we got to leave for lunch). Is TORTURE. I don't know what I'd have done without my fellow nurses in orientation. We have bonded over our shared boredom and glee!
So tomorrow, I get to learn a new computer system! Yaaa..... no, wait, I'm not excited, actually. :P I do like the new hospital a lot though. It's new, and pretty, and there really does seem to be a level of pride in the employees that I haven't really seen coming from the Big Bad Hospital System of which my past hospital was a part. I think it'll be a good place for me to grow and learn and plan my next steps! So huzzah for growth and change!